— Robert A. Murphy

If I were to say I am a shopping addict, the image you might create is of a guy carrying a dozen bags on each arm walking distractedly towards the next store in a shopping mall. In reality I am more of an obsessive online spender. I’m what Malcolm Gladwell calls a maven. Purchasing is a sport, a hobby, predicated on making the very best decision based first learning everything you can about a product.

I once spent 40+ hours researching a storm shell (a hyped-up rain jacket). I looked at the weights, limitations, and benefits of every breathable clothing material. I looked at the variations in seam sealing techniques of every major manufacturer. I watched online videos of jacket owners performing tests and looking for flaws in design and build. I looked for features like pocket designs, hood configurations, and adaptability.

I would feel a rush when I made my way to an REI or received a box from the one online retailer in the US selling products produced by an obscure Scandinavian manufacturer offering a slightly different design variation than that of Marmot, TNF, or other more ubiquitous US manufacturers. And I did this with survival knives, camping equipment, flashlights, cooking equipment, electronics and more. After one project was completed I was on to the next, accompanied with a sense of urgency and importance.

I have realized that my desire to learn and the excitement of the purchase (that emotional rush that comes when new packages arrive in the mail) combined into an obsessive compulsive, out of control spiraling that would infringe on my ability to focus fully or ever hope to exist in the moment. There is a sense of urgency with this type of purchasing. I would feel as though something was wrong or missing until I had discovered and owned that perfect purchase. And the longer I “researched” and obsessed, the more exciting the fulfillment would become.

Companies know this to be true. Product marketing and branding professionals place significance on products and features, each year offering a better version of the last. What came last year was good, but what we have this year is even warmer, better, safer, more breathable, more resilient, better customized for specific applications, smaller, lighter, revolutionary, cutting edge, or just plain game changing. Every year we are told our lives will be better with this unique, more improved product.

And in some cases this is true. But when I walk around in my hi-tech, rain proof jacket with storm flaps, pit zips, and a material guaranteed to keep moisture out while still remaining breathable I should remind myself that the first few individuals to climb Everest or walk to the South Pole did so with animal furs, cotton, and wool. Do I really need the latest advancement in waterproof protection to help on the walk from my car to the office? Do I really need a survival knife with just the perfect balance between length, weight, and steel? Will 1095 carbon, VG10, or 154cm really make a big difference on those 20 mile r/t backpacking or simple car camping trips on heavily populated trails (if you understand this sentence, you may too have a problem)? Will the jump from 140 to 160 lumens in a flashlight make a difference in my way of life?

But Robert, you say, this is a hobby! Sure. I get it completely. Its fun to learn and use this knowledge. But is this the best use of your time or could you possibly be filling in space that could be more useful as, say, room to breathe?

For the past five months, as part of a New Year’s resolution, I have almost entirely cut out extraneous spending from my life, and by default obsessive product researching. I have purchased only the very basics, and then only just a few items. On two separate occasions I began the process of looking for something I deemed “necessary”, my brain tricking me into old behaviros. And after feeling the obsessive and emotional inclinations pop back up, I cancelled the search. That was as or perhaps more rewarding as not purchasing in the first place.

After the first two months I began to notice an increase in the time I had available. I started going to the gym, attending a weekly meditation class, and spending time reading. I went out more often and spent time wandering around the city. Most importantly I spent time thinking critically about where I was and where I wanted to be.

Critical thinking is something that is a bit of a challenge when applied to the self. We all know the old adage about the unexamined life, but we also know how much easier it is to pick the problem out in someone else than to see the glaring error in what we do ourselves. And we also get caught in patterns of behavior rather than look at what those behaviors mean.

Throughout the last few months I have been keeping tally of my emotional impulses (what else can I do with all of this free time?). There are trends in what and how I look for purchases. Some results include:

  • I am inclined to purchase survival type equipment when I feel powerless
  • I am inclined to research vacations or travel options when I feel stuck
  • I am prone to distract myself with entertainment when I know I have something serious to consider or accomplish
  • I am inclined to purchase cooking equipment when I feel tired of what I’m doing at home

Do you see the trend? My inclination towards purchasing and distraction are directly correlated with a deficiency in my emotional well-being: aka, I have been self-medicating. My purchasing has not been meaningless. It has a cause and an effect. The cause is the set of emotions that are felt due to stressors and variables felt in my life. The effect is that I am unable to deal with the cause because I am not aware of it due to the fullness of my mind in relation to purchasing. The emotional impulses are not satisfied, they are simply brushed aside.

In the short time I have been stepping back from purchasing I have noticed small windows of growing clarity. I’m already finding that I have time for to create better boundaries, channel impulses, create opportunities, be more present in every moment, ease stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed, and develop more room to breathe and examine what is really going on in my life.

There was a study once in which researchers looked at the lives of lottery winners. They found that after their win, these new millionaires would keep purchasing more and more expensive items and adapting to a more expensive lifestyle. Essentially, what thrilled them once no longer thrilled them and they needed more and more spending to feel the enjoyment they once felt. This was termed the hedonic escalator.

Take that idea and apply to purchasing, entertainment, or anything else that is enjoyable but capable of moving into a space out of control. I joke with people that I am either spiraling upwards or downwards. I am either moving towards positive actions or negative. I cannot stay still. I know that I’m not alone. The question then becomes, what are you moving towards, and are you aware of this movement? What could you gain by taking a step back?

Read More

A patch of green between the busy street and sidewalk stands
To keep the sense of nature close but never taking up too much.

Read More

This morning I woke up and consciously brushed my teeth, showered, and got dressed. Throughout the day I actively shared my thoughts with those around me, emotions with my wife. I found pleasure in the consumption of food and effects of caffeine on my consciousness.

There are millions of little pieces tmaking everything work, from the water that flows to the electrons that power a refrigerator: all of the components and functions and physics and material and star dust that make the wheels turn. The complexity. The originality. The flexibility. These keep the wheels turning and the sun shining. Think big and feel small today.

Read More

Music, when approached with skill and soul and love, is a source of power beamed to our minds, driving feet and body to move with every beat. It surpasses the passive and becomes movement’s very heartbeat.

 

Read More

The mornings I leave home as or before the sun peaks above the hills I feel as though I am a part of a secret the rest of the city is missing.

It is a quiet stillness in colors, orange and red.

Read More

I write until I am finished. Thoughts are given life when they appear on a screen, in  a conversation, on paper. If we encourage an idea and help it breathe, we create something new in the universe. What if someone, somewhere previously had this idea? They didn’t. The connections and neural pathways that form the foundation of the idea are wholly yours.

Read More

There is a whole world waiting, each day, each second, to be created with every action we make. We turn left rather than right, choose to call that friend or uncle or not, look someone in the eyes or walk away. A thousand decisions every day, one outcome. We can not say that life is unfair when we have again and again lived as active participants in our own decision making.

Read More

There is a crack in every sidewalk in America. This is a result of forces too powerful for concrete. Water is the softest material, Lao Tsu reminded us, yet it can cut through metal.

Read More

I passed a man on the sidewalk this morning with a swollen toe poking out through his shoe. He had a hat on his head and a thick beard that had seen months since the last shave. He did not look up and I didn’t get his attention. I looked and kept walking.

Read More

I watched 2016: Obama’s America yesterday afternoon and have a few concerns regarding simply the presentation for now as I have not had a chance to research the various claims presented. Much of the movie is speculation built on the claim that Obama’s political beliefs are entirely at one with those of his father; a position set up at the beginning by interviewing an academic specializing in abandonment issues.

From a narrative perspective D’souza was the perfect narrator and writer; his status as being from a third world, post-colonial country makes it very difficult to disagree with any perspective he offers – not matter how constrained and monochrome (read simplistic and lacking nuance) they may be. This is a very subtle but effective appeal to authority. “How could those of us who have grown up in this culture really understand the perspective of D’Souza or Obama?” one might feel after watching.

Small statements seemed rather odd – such as D’Souza playing down his upbringing and even mentioning that if he had not gone to America his whole life would have been spent in a one mile radius. First off, that is speculative. Second, his father was an exec at Johnson & Johnson. He was seemingly not a poor Indian youth whose struggle paved the way for his future.

But what made me most concerned was the skillful buildup of the narrative. After introducing the narrator’s similarities with Obama, we are then told of Obama Sr.’s multiple wives, divorces, and children born of multiple women. This is socially conservative candy here, as it plays on the opposite of accepted values and is – I’m just going to go ahead and say it – a reflection of racist generalizations regarding black men having children with multiple women. It is genuinely not relevant but rather dirty laundry that aired to demonize Obama Sr. – a man who is not in fact the president. The writers are very interested in our disliking the guy as much as possible so that when we are introduced to Obama’s quotes regarding his father’s dreams, we connect the hatred we are taught regarding Sr to Jr, the president.

It is very important to state that we are only given slices and pieces of Obama Sr.’s political ideology here. We are told again and again of his drunkenness and philandering. We are told he died from what we assume is a drunk driving accident. And we are told from people who are related to Obama that Jr sounds so much like Sr. At one point, what I view to be the apex of the movie, the narrator blurs the line between Jr and Sr. He mentions an extreme paper written by “Obama” (not stating who – throughout and up to this point in the doc the father was referred to as “Barack”), and reads a few quotes regarding how people could be taxed up to 100% and a few other extreme statements. And then he states, in a loose way, that this is our president. Ok, but here is the deal – this was Obama Sr.’s paper! He is saying that this is Jr.’s view, but letting our minds fill in the gap the same way that our eyes fill in spaces and create an artificial connection between a paper not written by Obama Jr. This is manipulation. It is NOT Obama Jr. this is his father’s work. The writers are trying to lead us to believe that, using a few quotes from Jr., that ALL of the beliefs of the father are reflected in the son.

He refers to a few radicals as being “Obama’s founding fathers”. Admittedly he states that this is what “he” calls them. But still, it’s a very arresting image of these radicals being the, if this presentation was our only understanding of Obama, MAJOR if not only significant influences in his life. Here we are given a perspective to assume. We are not given a list of all of his professors and friends. For all we know he could have had hundreds of friends, these being the only radicals he knows. I know some pretty radical people and have been influenced by them. That does not mean that I am a radical myself – though some of my views could be viewed that way and I do not certainly think they are right on every point. But we are not shown the dynamic nature of human thought and a person’s ability to pick and choose. We are told that the president is simply and thoroughly exactly molded and formed by a few radical influencers.

A few additional misdirections, of many:
-We are shown a map showing our current stock of 5k nukes. Then of other countries. Then we are shown that Obama has as a goal the eradication of nukes, starting with taking the number of active down to 1,500. We then see a map of the world having nukes and us having ZERO. But this isn’t what the president said. He said none in the world. Sure, pie in the sky. But the point is that he is leading us to believe the goal to be ZERO for us but lots everywhere else. Huh?
-The United States of Islam. These countries can’t get along internally. Do we really think we are currently in danger of uniting into a country? I could not find that statement anywhere except in articles written by D’Souza. I think he is also forgetting that Middle Eastern countries are also colonial in nature and many have only recently since WW2 been independent – including Israel, who has had the support of the west (esp the US) since its inception.

I’m uncomfortable with D’Souza’s seemingly simplistic views and defense of colonialism. Simply stating that countries who didn’t revolt against Britain were better off is not the full story. Every country he listed, including India, pushed and fought for independence from England. There are so many factors involved with the success of independent countries, including the effects of colonialism on what was the existing social structure of the time. These are ignored.

Its dangerous to assume so much about a person’s intent. For example, I could assume D’Souza to be quite jealous of Obama’s citizenry, and realizing that he will never achieve the presidency that has been allowed for Obama, is striking out in jealousy. Is this true? How could we know. Is it possible? Perhaps. Should we report it as true and use the claims of a psychologist to back this up? We could, but would that be helpful?

As I said before, I will look into the claims made. For now, I think the presentation alone is dangerous as are documentaries in general. There are many uses of emotional manipulation and fallacious statements used to convey a meaning that is larger than the content presented. Docs are a tool for delivering meaning, not information. We might learn some things, but we have to separate the content from the message. What this presentation read for me was an extreme republican bias making a case for the corrosive psychological influence of an absentee father/son dynamic on the political welfare of a nation as THE singular point of destruction of the livelihood of its people. Essentially, this was a slightly more academic presentation than a Michael Moore doc, but just as biased and alarmist and extreme. Thanks for the recommendation. I will have to really look into the claims to determine whether I think this is something that will affect my thoughts on whether Obama’s reelection will make the country unrecognizable. In the meantime I am just frustrated with these ridiculous political documentaries and their influence on the political system.

On a side note, what was with the cell phone calls in this movie? There were so many strange scenes were D’Souza is discussing with an expert or something in which they were both on the phone speaking to each other. I don’t get that at all. It seemed like a strange image to push that I have not yet understood.

I watched 2016: Obama’s America yesterday afternoon and have a few concerns regarding simply the presentation for now as I have not had a chance to research the various claims presented. Much of the movie is speculation built on the claim that Obama’s political beliefs are entirely at one with those of his father; a position set up at the beginning by interviewing an academic specializing in abandonment issues.

From a narrative perspective D’souza was the perfect narrator and writer; his status as being from a third world, post-colonial country makes it very difficult to disagree with any perspective he offers – not matter how constrained and monochrome (read simplistic and lacking nuance) they may be. This is a very subtle but effective appeal to authority. “How could those of us who have grown up in this culture really understand the perspective of D’Souza or Obama?” one might feel after watching.

Small statements seemed rather odd – such as D’Souza playing down his upbringing and even mentioning that if he had not gone to America his whole life would have been spent in a one mile radius. First off, that is speculative. Second, his father was an exec at Johnson & Johnson. He was seemingly not a poor Indian youth whose struggle paved the way for his future.

But what made me most concerned was the skillful buildup of the narrative. After introducing the narrator’s similarities with Obama, we are then told of Obama Sr.’s multiple wives, divorces, and children born of multiple women. This is socially conservative candy here, as it plays on the opposite of accepted values and is – I’m just going to go ahead and say it – a reflection of racist generalizations regarding black men having children with multiple women. It is genuinely not relevant but rather dirty laundry that aired to demonize Obama Sr. – a man who is not in fact the president. The writers are very interested in our disliking the guy as much as possible so that when we are introduced to Obama’s quotes regarding his father’s dreams, we connect the hatred we are taught regarding Sr to Jr, the president.

It is very important to state that we are only given slices and pieces of Obama Sr.’s political ideology here. We are told again and again of his drunkenness and philandering. We are told he died from what we assume is a drunk driving accident. And we are told from people who are related to Obama that Jr sounds so much like Sr. At one point, what I view to be the apex of the movie, the narrator blurs the line between Jr and Sr. He mentions an extreme paper written by “Obama” (not stating who -  throughout and up to this point in the doc the father was referred to as “Barack”), and reads a few quotes regarding how people could be taxed up to 100% and a few other extreme statements. And then he states, in a loose way, that this is our president. Ok, but here is the deal – this was Obama Sr.’s paper! He is saying that this is Jr.’s view, but letting our minds fill in the gap the same way that our eyes fill in spaces and create an artificial connection between a paper not written by Obama Jr. This is manipulation. It is NOT Obama Jr. this is his father’s work. The writers are trying to lead us to believe that, using a few quotes from Jr., that ALL of the beliefs of the father are reflected in the son.

He refers to a few radicals as being “Obama’s founding fathers”. Admittedly he states that this is what “he” calls them. But still, it’s a very arresting image of these radicals being the, if this presentation was our only understanding of Obama, MAJOR if not only significant influences in his life. Here we are given a perspective to assume. We are not given a list of all of his professors and friends. For all we know he could have had hundreds of friends, these being the only radicals he knows. I know some pretty radical people and have been influenced by them. That does not mean that I am a radical myself – though some of my views could be viewed that way and I do not certainly think they are right on every point. But we are not shown the dynamic nature of human thought and a person’s ability to pick and choose. We are told that the president is simply and thoroughly exactly molded and formed by a few radical influencers.

A few additional misdirections, of many:

-We are shown a map showing our current stock of 5k nukes. Then of other countries. Then we are shown that Obama has as a goal the eradication of nukes, starting with taking the number of active down to 1,500. We then see a map of the world having nukes and us having ZERO. But this isn’t what the president said. He said none in the world. Sure, pie in the sky. But the point is that he is leading us to believe the goal to be ZERO for us but lots everywhere else. Huh?

-The United States of Islam. These countries can’t get along internally. Do we really think we are currently in danger of uniting into a country? I could not find that statement anywhere except in articles written by D’Souza.  I think he is also forgetting that Middle Eastern countries are also colonial in nature and many have only recently since WW2 been independent – including Israel, who has had the support of the west (esp the US) since its inception.

I’m uncomfortable with D’Souza’s seemingly simplistic views and defense of colonialism. Simply stating that countries who didn’t revolt against Britain were better off is not the full story. Every country he listed, including India, pushed and fought for independence from England. There are so many factors involved with the success of independent countries, including the effects of colonialism on what was the existing social structure of the time. These are ignored.

Its dangerous to assume so much about a person’s intent. For example, I could assume D’Souza to be quite jealous of Obama’s citizenry, and realizing that he will never achieve the presidency that has been allowed for Obama, is striking out in jealousy. Is this true? How could we know. Is it possible? Perhaps. Should we report it as true and use the claims of a psychologist to back this up? We could, but would that be helpful?

As I said before, I will look into the claims made. For now,  I think the presentation alone is dangerous as are documentaries in general. There are many uses of emotional manipulation and fallacious statements used to convey a meaning that is larger than the content presented. Docs are a tool for delivering meaning, not information. We might learn some things, but we have to separate the content from the message. What this presentation read for me was an extreme republican bias making a case for the corrosive psychological influence of an absentee father/son dynamic on the political welfare of a nation as THE singular point of destruction of the livelihood of its people.  Essentially, this was a slightly more academic presentation than a Michael Moore doc, but just as biased and alarmist and extreme. Thanks for the recommendation. I will have to really look into the claims to determine whether I think this is something that will affect my thoughts on whether Obama’s reelection will make the country unrecognizable. In the meantime I am just frustrated with these ridiculous political documentaries and their influence on the political system.

On a side note, what was with the cell phone calls in this movie? There were so many strange scenes were D’Souza is discussing with an expert or something in which they were both on the phone speaking to each other. I don’t get that at all. It seemed like a strange image to push that I have not yet understood.

Read More