Several years ago a friend was talking about her thoughts on what it meant to be a woman and the role and place she and other women take in modern society. I found this rather confusing at first. As a man I never considered such an idea. Upon further reflection I began to understand the meaning behind the question and why these thoughts are important in our modern age.
Though I do not have a simple answer to the question, it certainly led to thinking about what makes us human over all. What is the purpose of our lives? What meaning do we find in our existence and what does this say about ourselves? What can we learn from the things that bring us meaning – whether they be jobs, each other, or religion? Can we choose our destiny or has this been chosen? Is destiny even a part of the equation or are we trapped under the weight of hundreds and thousands of myths that wish to express that very thing?
I’ve been struggling with the meaning and purpose of life for quite some time. When i was younger it seemed meaningful to ask. Then I felt I believed in absolutes and religion would lead me to the discover. Then I walked away from religion and felt I had started at the beginning, giving up the hope that I would discover anything. Along the way little bright spots appeared that led me to believe I was not alone or lost. But still I feel I am looking and may forever do this.As James Kavanaugh once said of himself:
I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand.”
I am writing this blog anonymously as I wish to share openly and freely from the place that I prefer to share with only my self. Its not that I am ashamed of who I am and what I think but rather I do not wish to be continually critiqued by those around me. You see, I am trying to learn to share and there are those near and dear to me who would not truly understand the position I am discussing from. I have been called controversial and heretical more than I care to remember and I wish to be open with those who will listen and not worry about those who wish to express their concern over my wellbeing and purported fall from the places I once hung my hat. I am still the same person I was, dear friends. I am just learning to have confidence in the person I am and open up my heart in ways that terrify me.